Mothers and daughters have a special bond, as they share many characteristics. Mothers strive for their daughters to be strong, independent, caring, and giving. To build a lifetime relationship with their daughter, it is important to use these four building blocks: trust, love, credibility, and actions. Trust is the first block, as it is a divinely bestowed right. Love is unconditional and that you will be there for her no matter what. It is never too late to start, as each new day brings renewal, forgiveness, and a positive step toward rebuilding.
Establishing trust between a mother and her daughter involves five steps: honesty, openness, follow-up, consequences, and privilege. Communication is the foundation of effective communication between two people, and these abilities are mostly taught through language. The small steps/small rewards process is a step toward independence, and the mother must emphasize trust as one of the most valuable aspects of their shared relationship.
The most important details in this text are that communication is not about getting through, but about logical reasoning and being open to understanding another person. It is important to spend as little time as possible talking, and to spend a significant amount of time listening. Effective listening allows you to gain insight into your daughter's life, and to create environments of opportunity for her to meet her new friends. Additionally, it is important to remember that communication can be a "two-way street" or a single command, and that YOU, as the parent, are always in command. Letting go is an ongoing process that we all go through.
Knowing when to let your daughter find her own path and when to take her hand and guide her is important. Being present for your daughter while letting go gives her the strength she needs to stand on her own. Learning how to improve your relationship with your daughter is one of the most valuable things you can do for yourself. From holding a beautiful baby girl in your arms to the turbulent adolescence, the age of independence and self-discovery, to witnessing her gain total confident independence, your reward is knowing that your parenting job has now turned into a fruit of friendship.
Mothers and daughters, like all generations, have a special bond. Though one is not quite a woman and the other, in many ways, is no longer a girl, they share many characteristics. Little girls want to grow up quickly, and their mothers want to reclaim their youth. Mothers understand the importance of being a good role model for their daughters.
So, with the best of intentions, mothers and daughters embark on their lives' journeys. Every mother wishes for her daughter to grow up to be strong, independent, caring, and giving. A mother's dream is to enjoy the fruits of her labor...to know that her daughter is happy, confident, and kind to everyone.
There will be many detours and roadblocks along the way, but you can overcome them by using these four building blocks to obtain and maintain a lifetime relationship with your daughter! You will not only enjoy a close unique friendship with your daughter as a result of your efforts in developing this relationship now, but you will also pass on to her the wonderful gift of future strong relationships with her own children. What could be more important or rewarding than that? It's not much, but it's right at the top!
Building blocks are the foundation of life. Relationships are based on the same principles. Given the right tools, you can make yours strong enough to withstand life's ups and downs. A solid foundation provides the anchors needed to withstand any storm. It is never too late to start. Each new day brings renewal, forgiveness, and a positive step toward rebuilding.
TRUST IS THE FIRST BLOCK. Any relationship cannot survive without trust! Trust is frequently misunderstood as a given. A divinely bestowed right! Your daughter has grown to trust YOU as a loving mother. She knows you'll pick her up when you say you'll pick her up. She understands that YOU love and provide for her. Your daughter also understands that your love is unconditional and that you will be there for her no matter what. She may yell at you, but she TRUSTS you above all. Recognize that through your words, credibility, and actions, YOU have earned her trust.
How does she feel about earning trust? Each young lady must realize that TRUST must be earned. You earned her trust in the same way! Why do we sometimes feel the need to bestow attributes on our children that they should not have? Our daughters must understand that trust takes time. The small steps/small rewards process is a step toward independence. They must accept responsibility for earning and protecting your trust as one of the most valuable aspects of your shared relationship. It becomes significant when you, as her mother, emphasize it.
Establishing trust between a mother and her daughter involves five steps. Each is vital and carefully guarded. They are as follows: HONESTY, AWARENESS, FOLLOW-UP, CONSEQUENCE, and finally, PRIVILEGE. Knowing each of these steps and how to apply them to a working relationship is critical to maintaining a loving relationship.
BLOCK NUMBER TWO...COMMUNICATION. When our children are born, we seem to be so tuned in to their needs. We understand the distinction between a hungry cry and a mad cry. We notice a slight mood shift and worry for hours that a cold is on its way. We teach our little girls to talk as they grow older. When they say "ball" and "Mama," we clap and repeat the sounds. We're overjoyed that our little girls are on their way. We attend to all of their needs and kiss them goodnight softly and quietly.
Just because we teach language as a collection of "sounds" does not imply that we teach communication. Webster defines communication as: an act of transmitting OR an exchange of information or opinions. Consider the phrase "an act of transmitting," which can refer to giving orders, commands, and/or instructions. Of course, this is necessary at times. It means we mean what we say and do what we say! There will be no questions or debate. At times, this mode of communication is certainly acceptable and appropriate. Taking the other side of the definition, "an exchange of information," we understand this to be a type of investigation into another person's opinion, thoughts, and logic. This is also very important. In fact, this is the foundation of effective communication between two people.
When does it begin? As our girls reach the age of two, they begin to develop communication skills. These abilities are mostly taught through our physical reactions rather than our verbal abilities.
Physical reactions include how we say things, the tone of our voices, and how we move our bodies. It's not about getting through; it's about logical reasoning and being open to understanding another person. Because your daughter has already developed trust in you, she will embrace your communication skills if they are delivered in a way that supports her best interests without jeopardizing her own desires.
YOU, as the parent, are always in command. YOU simply require the tools to assist in educating your daughter on the ways of the world. With these tools and exercises, you can begin to lay the groundwork for an open-minded, free exchange of information while maintaining your position of authority. Keep in mind that communication can be a "two-way street" or a single command. Your decision, your authority.
EFFECTIVE LISTENING IS BLOCK #3. Now that we've defined communication, I implore you... Spend as little time as possible talking. Teach through actions as well! How? It's simple.. (once you understand how). Spend a significant amount of time listening!!! Effective listening allows you to gain insight into your daughter's life. You can learn a lot by simply listening and observing. Listening includes not only what your daughter says, but also what others say. This includes her friends, teachers, enemies, and anyone else with whom she has contact. I'm not suggesting that you spy or have "reports back". Simply listening will teach you more than you can imagine.
Listening is an acquired skill. What you want to do is create environments of opportunity. As an example... Car pools are unpleasant, to be sure, but when you pick up a group of her friends, keep the music low and don't talk - just listen! The girls will be open with their conversation, and you will be able to interpret not only the quality of her friendships, but also the group's collective views. This can be very useful in future conversations with your daughter.
It's also a great way for her to meet her new friends! If you are more informed, your subtle suggestions will have a greater impact...remember what you learned about communication... Because your daughter has already developed trust in you, she will embrace your communication skills if they are delivered in a way that supports her best interests without jeopardizing her own desires. YOU, as the parent, are always in command.
BLOCK #4...LEAVING. Letting go is an ongoing process that we all go through. When, how much, and how much is enough? Knowing when to let your daughter find her own path and when to take her hand and guide her. There will be times when your heart breaks for her, when you want to take her pain, her place, her path - but they will learn the same lessons we have. We recognize that we cannot (and should not) always protect her from everything.
When we reflect on our own lives, some of the most painful situations taught us the most powerful life lessons. Whether that was empathy and compassion for others, or our ability to forgive and move on; whatever crisis we face we have a choice - We can choose to be "bitter or better". It's a decision. Being present for your daughter while letting go gives her the strength she needs to stand on her own.
We grow through pain, and we become whole through growth. There are times when there are no words, when silence and solidarity speak louder than any great speech. If you have built on the previous three blocks, letting go will be a natural love process. There is no fear where there is love. Your goal has been met: you now have a solid foundation for a lifelong, healthy relationship with your daughter.
Being present entails being present as a friend, a parent, a role model, and a mother. The best gift you can give yourself and your daughter today is to learn how to build and enjoy a mother/daughter relationship. This is a gift that can be passed down through generations, growing stronger and deeper each time.
Learning how to improve your relationship with your daughter is one of the most valuable things you can do for yourself. The building blocks can point you in the right direction. From holding a beautiful baby girl in your arms, to the turbulent adolescence, the age of independence and self-discovery, to witnessing her gain total confident independence. Your reward is knowing that your parenting job has now turned into a fruit of friendship.
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