More Motivation For Overbearing Parents

More motivation for overbearing parents

When I'm healthy, I rarely sit still. There is always something to do. Hives taught me that the world will not collapse if I do not support it. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our children is to step back and let them discover their own abilities. I've been yearning for uninterrupted time to write, think and meditate.

I'm relieved to know that I can take this time for myself without feeling guilty about it. Mama Bird must eventually be tough on her babies as they prepare to fly. Maybe Mother Nature helps her out by providing the tool of irritation.

You can't catch a child's spirit by chasing it. You must remain still, and love will soon return to you. Miller, Arthur

This was made clear to me several summers ago when I spent 6 weeks suffering from severe hives all over my body. When the itching first started, the only way to get relief was to lie completely still.

My children, who are delightfully self-entertaining, went about their business for the first few hours, occasionally checking in with me to see if I needed anything. They realized I was a sitting duck as the day progressed. They camped out on my king-size bed, and we had some very deep and thought-provoking conversations.

These interactions are unlikely to have occurred if I had been my usual productive and bustling self. I would have probably interrupted the quiet time required for their questions to emerge in order to jump up and fold the laundry before it wrinkled.

When I'm healthy, I rarely sit still. There is always something to do. Hives taught me many valuable lessons, not the least of which is that the world will not collapse if I do not support it. Sure, I got behind in my work. For the first time in my life, I left phone calls unanswered, dishes in the sink, and wet and wrinkled laundry for days.

However, the sun continued to rise and set. I didn't lose any friends as a result of my slow response time. My children also learned how to clean dirty dishes and clothes.

My son is a budding chef, and when I wasn't there telling him what to do or how to do it better, he had a lot more freedom in the kitchen. He was ecstatic to serve us the delectable meals he had prepared.

I'm sure you can guess where this is going. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our children is to step back and let them discover their own abilities. During my downtime, my children flourished. I think it was wonderful for them to feel needed and important; to make a meaningful contribution to the family.

Yeah, it's unfortunate that it took a bad case of hives for me to realize that I wasn't giving them enough chances to demonstrate their own competence, but so be it. Now I understand. True confessions of an obsessive caregiver.

I put my newly acquired knowledge to the test by asking my son to repair a towel hook that had fallen off the wall. He jumped right into the mission, gathering all of his tools and tackling the problem with zeal.

I was distracted elsewhere in the house and left him alone. I'll never forget his expression when he came to tell me the job was finished. He had not only repaired the hook, but he had also cleaned up the mess and put all of the tools away!

As my children have grown older, I've realized that the best way to love them has shifted. It's no longer so much about taking care of them. They now require opportunities to discover their ability to care for themselves.

I've progressed from being their source to their resource. My job has shifted from doing things for them to expressing my belief in their ability to learn to do things for themselves.

And it came just in time. I've been yearning for uninterrupted time to write, think, and meditate. I'm relieved to know that I can take this time for myself without feeling guilty about it.

I guess I needed reassurance that it was okay, even beneficial, for me to have my own space. Mama Bird must eventually be tough on her babies as they prepare to fly. Maybe Mother Nature helps her out by providing the tool of irritation to toughen her up so she does what needs to be done.

Historically, it has been difficult for me to believe that even my irritation could be acceptable. I've been reminded yet again that everything is exactly as it should be. And I am grateful for that.